random. 

Yesterday we ventured to babies r us…it was hard. Super super super hard. We walked in and I immediately started crying; the kind of crying where it just over takes you and you cannot control it. So yeah, that was…awkward and uncomfortable for all the moms with their newborns shopping near me. 

If you recall, we wanted to buy baby A something of her own in hopes to connect to her more, and identify her as her own person. So, we bought some clothes. Once the initial shock of being there wore off, I found myself able to separate baby A and Kenley fairly well and I felt proud of myself. 

We were looking at some items that were only suitable for 9-12 months and I couldn’t help but think “why would I buy that when she could die, too?” I couldn’t help but think those things. It’s so frustrating. 

••••••••••

Today I am 17 weeks. It feels like it’s going so slowly but so fast at the same time. Our anatomy scan is coming up on November 3rd. 

••••••••••

Today I opened my mailbox to find a coupon from Target. I used to love Target…until Kenley died. Now, I hate it. I want to set it on fire. Anyway, the coupon was face down. The back had a $5 off coupon. I flipped it over to find a baby wearing a birthday hat. Inside, it says “blah blah blah baby’s first birthday”. 

Oh. My. God. 

I know that Target didn’t know Kenley died. I know that. But wow. I was going to just throw it away, and I did, but I emailed customer service. I don’t usually do stuff like that, but this bugged me. I cannot be the only woman this has happened to and it just really frustrated me. I was nice in my email, and just told them that I wish there was something they could do to ensure this doesn’t happen to other mothers. I didn’t expect a reply. 

A few hours later this shows up in my inbox: 


I’m thankful that someone replied to me. I know that this will continue to happen to women all over and really there is nothing they can do to make sure it doesn’t happen, but I’m glad someone recognized it. Who knows. Maybe somehow my email helped. I highly doubt it. 

••••••••••

Landon’s parent teacher conference was tonight. He’s doing great across the board, but I had to laugh at one thing. His teacher showed us his “report card” and there was a spot that said how high they were expected to count (25) and how high he counted (160). His teacher said he started counting and just kept going and going; she said she had to stop him at 160 and we all just laughed. He’s such a smarty pants. I am so proud to be his mom. 

••••••••••

At 9:45 this morning Shane and I were at the movies watching Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. We were the only ones in the theater. It was really nice to go on a little date even if it was 9am. 

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3 thoughts on “random. 

  1. I am so glad to hear that you were able to find some things for baby A and that you were able to distinguish them in your mind as being for her specifically. What a huge step. Not that there are any number of specific “steps” that will make this journey OK, but I’m sure it felt good nonetheless.

    Also, yay Target for showing some humanity! On a snarkier note, I find Babies R Us to be a stressful nightmare under ANY circumstances, let alone yours. They have so many baby-related things that I didn’t even know existed, let alone that I “needed” them. It’s enough to send a person into an anxiety spiral, and doubly so if the experience is full of additional triggers. They do have cute clothes, though.

    Liked by 1 person

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